You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
