And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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