I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Be still, my beating vagina.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
