We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Couch. On fire.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
