I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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