Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
