i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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