omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
