so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
