My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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