they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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