I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
