Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
