Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
