I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
