I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
