no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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