you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
