Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
