i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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