it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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