Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
