The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
