i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
