I wish you could order shots online.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
