You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
