i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
