After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
