There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
