Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
