Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
