My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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