I'm eating all of the evidence.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
