how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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