Can i not drive my cunt home
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
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Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
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Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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