I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
