your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
