Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
