Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
