so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
