Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
