My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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