The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
