farters have to be the big spoon...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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