i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
