i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
