weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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