So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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