I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
