dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
