I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
