what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
