My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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