are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
