I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
