Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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