Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You pole danced in your parka.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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