took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
