don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
