I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
