My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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