There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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