Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
