i think i have herpe
just one?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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