I looked at my own cervix.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
