Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
