I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
