happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
