I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
as a side note pls kill me
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
