3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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