Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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