so explain again why im purple
no
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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