Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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