I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Vodka?
Forever.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
