I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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