Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
