im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
