Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.