this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you