Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before