I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
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Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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