Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
