Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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